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You can
"interview" a church
You can "interview" a
church just like you'd interview a photographer,
caterer or DJ. High quality churches are happy to
answer your interview questions.
What is the
church's FEE for hosting a
wedding?
Issues regarding the
church's fee:
1. A wedding causes some
actual costs to a church: Paying a
janitor, air conditioning or heating, lighting;
paying a staff employee to have the keys and lock
up the building afterwards. In some areas churches
may need to pay an actual security guard or
building engineer, due to high-value professional
sound equipment and other assets that need to be
protected using paid employees.
2. Sound man, minister,
janitor and wedding coordinators who provide hours
of service to the public eventually need to be paid
- either through donations or fees. Some churches
have staff dedicated enough to provide these
services anyway, whether paid or not. But staff who
are rarely paid will eventually burn out.
3. Smaller churches
often have very reasonable fees to host a
wedding.
4. Large and
architecturally beautiful churches tend to have
high fees to host a wedding. Sometimes too high,
perhaps.
Historically marriage is a
ministry of the church, like baptisms or Bible
teaching. Churches wouldn't dream of charging high
fees for those ministries.
Weddings are the rare
occasion when a church has the opportunity to "show
off" its good points to the public. Treat the
guests right and some of them will come back later
to be ministered to. Isn't that why a church exists
in the first place? People who are successfully
ministered to eventually join a church and start
contributing money to it. Hitting brides with high
fees is absurd.
Are fees
different for members compared to
outsiders?
Many churches charge less
for brides who already attend their church.
Consider attending or joining the church and save
the money, if it's a good church to begin
with.
Some churches have a fee
schedule that covers specific items --- janitor,
sound man, security guard, etc. --- and the rest of
the "fee" is a matter of voluntary donations.
Sometimes the donation amount is "suggested" (such
as an honorarium for the minister or wedding
coordinator).
How do
I find a church with lower
fees?
Smaller-size churches have lower fees
because they are supported by regular donations
from their members, and don't have weddings often
enough to see weddings as a source of income.
Some large churches keep their fees low
as a ministry commitment. Example: Many
contemporary churches are built in office or
industrial areas instead of on prime real estate,
and avoid expensive architecture, to keep their
overhead costs lower. (An example of this type of
church is Calvary Chapel, whiich is actually a
denomination name, they have affiliated, locally
owned churches in many cities.)
What hours
will the church be available to you on the wedding
day?
On the wedding day, can
you arrive at the church early to get dressed and
set up? (If you get dressed at the church,
the bride and her assistants should be allowed to
arrive 2 hours early.)
Can you come and decorate
the church, or the aisles, or a reception
area? This may not be practical at some
churches if more than one wedding or event is
scheduled for the same day.
Important: On the wedding
day, can you remain at the church long enough to
complete formal portraits after the ceremony,
without getting run out early before the pictures
are completed? (My rule of thumb
estimate is: you should have two hours
after the scheduled start time of the
wedding.)
What other events or weddings
are scheduled the same day as your
wedding?
If churches have another wedding happening
before and/or after yours, it is critically
important to know that.
Popular Catholic churches will perform a wedding
every two hours during popular
seasons. Oddly your priest who performs wedding #2
may not be aware there is a weddings #1 or #3,
because #1 and #3 had been set up by different
staff members.
Also the Catholic church's office staff doesn't
think to tell you there's a late Saturday afternoon
Mass which could adversely affect your photography
schedule. Since they have Saturday afternoon Mass
every Saturday afternoon, it doesn't occur to them
to tell you about it.
The reason it's important to know about other
events, is so the photographer or wedding planner
can work with you to prepare a Plan B for portraits
if you're suddenly tossed out of the church
early.
To avoid that very unpleasant surprise I
recommend a three pronged approach:
1. Plan your wedding day schedule with
your photographer and/or with a very experienced
wedding planner.
2. Absolutely start your ceremony when
you plan to start it !!!!
I recommend 10 minutes after the scheduled
start time.
If you start a ceremony even a few minutes
later for no good reason, you will mess up the
day's scheduling of your limousine, the portrait
photography, the ceremony venue, the reception
venue, the caterer, the disc jockey ---
everything.
3. Ask what other events are scheduled
before and after yours, but don't rely on them 100%
to tell you the truth. (Not because they're lying.
They're just not coordinated between the various
staff members and volunteers who make schedule
commitments.)
Some churches have tight
schedules, but not all churches are like that
Popular Catholic churches schedule weddings at
2-hour intervals. Here's the explanation. As a
matter of policy, they are NOT trying to
satisfy your photo needs. Their priority is
to satisfy their denominational need to
accomplish a specific Catholic sacrament. The
Catholic marriage ceremony, which they call a
sacrament, is one of several specific life
milestones they provide for their members. And
their priority is to utilizes their
buildings efficiently while performing
ceremonies.
If their priority is different from yours, be
aware so you can plan appropriately --- either by
choosing a less popular date to get married on, or
by choosing a less popular church location, or a
different denomination. Smaller, less elegant
church buildings have less demand upon their
schedules.
I encounter two-hour church scheduling problems
only at Catholic churches. Non-Catholic churches
have less aggressive scheduling. (Non-Catholic
denominations include Baptist, Luthern, Calvary
Chapel, Presbyterian, Foursquare, Church of the
Nazarene, Assemblies of God, and various
"independent" Christian churches such as Bridgeway,
Adventure, or Bayside.)
WEDDING PLANNERS: By the way
I do like the concept of hiring a
professional, independent wedding planner. Her fee
could be $2,000 but she will probably save
you the entire cost of her fee by avoiding
waste.
An experienced planner/coordinator will keep
your schedule on track, reduce your stress, and
give you better memories of a relaxed and terrific
wedding day.
A wedding planner who works for a hotel or
country club is probably experienced but won't
have the independence to save you money in certain
areas. An in-house wedding planner is required to
favor services offered through that venue and its
business partners.
A wedding coordinator who works for a
church (who will be a volunteer) can be very
helpful too. But a volunteer will lack the broad
experience of someone who has done this
professionally. And as a volunteer they will not
have the same number of hours to devote to your
specific needs. As a volunteer she has outside
time commitments too -- family, outside job, etc.
And some volunteer coordinators are poorly
trained.
Is DANCING
permitted at the church, if you're having your
reception there
too?
Churches divide into three
camps for dancing.
Scenario 1: A couple's
First Dance is fine but no open dancing at the
reception.
Scenario 2: Dancing is
fine for everyone at the reception, but no dirty
dancing, keep it discreet, and no dance music which
has edgy lyrics. (Warning! Discuss the music play
list in advance with your disk jockey.)
Scenario 3: Some churches
prefer no dancing at the church at all, you'll have
to use an off-site venue for your reception.
Here's the logic. Dancing
is never mentioned in the Bible as a sin. But
churches want to avoid offensive language (in
music) or embarrassing behaviors on their church
grounds.
What about
AIR CONDITIONING or heating in the
church?
If it's a summer wedding,
will we be able to keep the church's air
conditioning turned on at a comfortable
temperature? Will we be able to have the
air conditioning turned on until all portraits have
been completed after the ceremony? (If
you're dripping with perspiration because they shut
off the air conditioner while you're taking formal
pictures, it's a bad thing, even if the church
might save $4 on electricity.) Achieve an
understanding in advance.
Another gimmick is, some
churches will lock their thermostat to a
money-saving worthless setting where everyone is
miserable. I've never understood the reasoning of a
church that would charge you $400 to use their
facility, then makes you miserable to save $4 worth
of electricity.
If you agree to pay the
church a fee to host your ceremony, I strongly
recommend you negotiate an additional $10 to have
the thermostat kept at a comfortable level --
during the ceremony and also during group
portrait photography after the ceremony.
If they're unwilling to
cooperate, maybe find a better church. Thousands of
other churches exist to serve their
constituents.
What is the
PHOTOGRAPHY POLICY inside the
church?
Our policy is to use
flash photography ONLY during the
PROCESSIONAL and recessional parts of a
wedding. This is acceptable to 95% of churches
today.
Why is camera flash needed
during the processional? Because when
people are walking up an aisle, their MOTION
will cause the pictures to be blurred. Electronic
flash solves the problem. Flash freezes motion.
See example picture below of what happens when
flash isn't used during the processional.
The no-flash
rule explained
Once upon a time, an inexperienced photographer
used lots of flash during a ceremony and it
distracted everyone. So churches came up with
the "no flash during the
ceremony" rule. Here is what that actually means
translated into English:
It
really means: No flash once the
pastor starts speaking.
Fortunately
the bride walks up the aisle before the pastor
starts the talking portion of the
ceremony.
The
occasional problem
Some volunteer church
wedding coordinators are poorly trained and have
no idea of what their own church's
photography rule is all about. In her zeal the
coordinator may act like a Nazi to stop your
photographer from taking pictures which the bride
expects him to take. Like a photo of the
bride walking up the aisle. So it's a good idea to
clarify that rule before the wedding day.
A photographer really does
want to take every picture the bride expects him to
take. He doesn't want to explain afterwards to an
angry bride why he didn't take a picture of her
walking up the church aisle!
A poorly informed wedding
coordinator gives a bad name to her church, damages
the ministry work of her pastor, and discourages
bride and photographer from ever wanting to see
that church again. Pastors take note.
Is champagne
permitted if you are having a reception at the
church?
The majority of American
churches don't want alcohol on their property.
European churches are more
relaxed about alcohol, realizing the chemical is
only a chemical. The real issue is how individual
people choose to behave.
There is an exception.
Catholic churches are generally okay with alcohol.
Large Catholic churches have reception halls on
their grounds in which members hold wedding
receptions, complete with music, dancing, and
alcohol.
When churches don't allow
alcohol use, it's generally because the founders
of their denomination saw families destroyed by
addictions, and would hope to avoid it. The Bible
itself speaks against misuse of alcohol but
not against the substance.
What about
VIDEOGRAPHY?
If you plan on hiring a videographer why have a
suggestions page that may be helpful. Click
here
We always cooperate 100% with your
videographer, whether amateur or professional.
Does a church
have pre-marital counseling
available?
Doug's
perspective: From my own experience
I know this is the best part of wedding
planning.
Because if a marriage
eventually fails, all those fancy wedding details
you worked on become worthless.
Pre-marital counseling
helps an engaged couple to get their expectations
out on the table for their future spouse to see.
Whatever those expectations are, smart or goofy, do
the two of you actually agree on
them?
Smart or goofy isn't the
issue. Agreement is. If you agree on things you'll
probably stay married
Hint ...
Don't
marry a person so you can change them later --- it
doesn't work!!!
If you don't believe me, just ask any psychologist
or divorce attorney how often they've seen that be
successful !!!
Answer the following
two questions accurately before a wedding and
you'll probably stay married...
1.
Do
you REALLY agree on expectations, or does your
potential spouse say "sure" and then plans to
blind side you later?
2.
Do you expect monogamy or are you marrying into
a sub-culture that promotes affairs? -- and
expects the other spouse to just put up with
it? Even though vows include a monogamy
promise, you'll want to find out beforehand if your
potential spouse actually means
it.
If I haven't lost you yet, the
following questions also help to assure a marriage
that will last...
3. Does your
potential spouse plan to be married to
you or to their previous
family? (If
in-law pressure occurs, will your spouse honor YOU,
or sacrifice you to appease the family they came
from?)
4. Does your
potential spouse have anger or addiction
problems?
5. If your
potential spouse's family had a history of child
abuse, how would you handle visits of your
future children to
them?
(It's common for
abusers to guilt-trip their adult children, to gain
unsupervised access to grandkids, so they can abuse
them too.) That kind of problem is easily avoidable
if you agree in advance what level of access you'll
permit to your future children.
6. Do you agree
on religious views?
(There are four
reasons for this question. First, behaviors like
monogamy and honesty tend to be associated with
religious values. Second, general agreement on
"stuff" makes for a marriage that is more
relaxed. Third, religion might not seem important
to you today, but often becomes important
once children start being born. Fourth, for
followers of the Bible, it teaches that believers
should only marry believers.)
If your religious
background was unpleasant, there's no law
that says you have to continue attending that same
obnoxious denomiation! America isn't the Taliban.
Consider some suggestions below about how to
evaluate different churches.
A
wedding photographer's perspective - Here's what I
learned behind the scenes about oour local
churches
WHEN
I EVALUATE A CHURCH'S QUALITY I look at three
things...
First, is the
behavior of that church's staff consistent
with what they claim to believe. Are they honest,
helpful, approachable. Or not.
Second, are their
beliefs weird or historically respected.
Third, how are the
ordinary people who attend that
church --- honest, trustworthy,
helpful? Or snooty, ill tempered,
dishonest?
I am not overly picky
about which denomination a church is -- as long as
it succeeds on the above 3 characteristics.
There's absolutely no need
in America to be stuck attending a creepy church.
There's no need to get married at a creepy one
either.
Churches are like
restaurants...
Shooting
weddings over 20+ years and seeing churches behind
the scenes I made an unexpected
discovery:
You can have two
churches of the same denomination (fill in
the blank for any denomination) where one
church is horrible and the other
"identical" church across town is very
good.
So if a person had bad
experiences at Church XYZ, it is simply not true
that every church is just like them.
That principle is true
whether one is rating churches or restaurants.
Logically, people who have
been "turned off to church" should consider
trying a better church across town. Hey - did you
give up food because you used to eat at a bad
restaurant? No - You stop eating at that bad
restaurant and find a normal one!
Please seek out a normal
church -- even if that disappoints your dear
sainted Aunt Hilda.
Principle: Churches
will be good or bad for the same reasons as
restaurants. It is a function of the character
of their leaders and staff. The leaders and staff
determine the quality of food they will feed you.
Bad food means bad leaders.
Feel free to
reproduce this page -- please give credit to the
author and include this website's URL
address.
If you have questions about local churches
please e-mail or call me. I'll tell you which
churches I know are good and which ones I'd
avoid. I'm not on anyone's payroll to push a
particular denomination.
If you want to know what are the differences
between specific denominations, you can find the
background online at www.equip.org or buy any of
several excellent paperback books on the subject. I
especially recommend Family Christian Stores &
Berean Christian Stores as a starting point.
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