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RANDOM WEDDING TIPS based on two
decades of photographing weddings.
There will be
some terrible goof-ups on your wedding
day --- here's the really
scary truth about who will notice...!
Answer:
Nobody except you. So relax.
Frankly your GUESTS will not freak out if the
boquet has the wrong mix of flowers, or bridesmaids
dresses are the wrong shade of lavender, or the
shoes won't fit and you wear white tennis shoes
under the wedding dress. Grooms won't care if
lavender turns out to be a shade of aubergine.
Your guests are there because they are happy
you're getting married. Period. They don't care if
wedding detail number #42 was messed up. They don't
care at all. So relax. Something always goes wrong.
But no one will mind.
How to
Goof-Proof your Wedding Day
Schedule:
Plan your wedding day timetable in consultation
with your photographer or an experienced wedding
planner. In the schedule you should provide
adequate time for portrait & group photography.
Also schedule slack time in case Murphy's Law
strikes and your wedding doesn't start on time.
On the wedding day, DON'T LET YOUR WEDDING
CEREMONY START LATE for no particular good reason.
That's where a coordinator can help to give you a
nudge to git 'er done when you stall out for no
reason.
I recommend starting the ceremony 10 minutes
after the scheduled start time. That prevents most
guests who are looking for a parking place from
entering the church while the bride walks down the
aisle. Decide upon a start time and stick to it
except in a true emergency. Problem: If you start
the ceremony later than you'd planned, you'll
create a cascading set of problems affecting your
photographer, your caterer, your formals photos,
your portraits, your reception venue, your
limousine, your guests... Don't do it.
The single most common cause of wedding delays
I've seen are hair
appointments for the bride and
bridesmaids.
Solution: #1: Schedule hair appointments earlier
in the day than you would have thought
necessary.
Solution #2: Make them finish the bride's hair
first, so if delays happen, it will delay
bridesmaids but not the bride's arrival at the
church. I suggest the bride should arrive at the
church about 2 hours before the ceremony.
Bridesmaids, doesn't much matter. Again, consult
your photographer or an experienced wedding planner
when devising the wedding day's schedule.
Pick up bridal dresses and tuxedos several DAYS
before the wedding. Wedding dress and tuxedo shops
can goof up, of course. Sometimes they even go out
of business. So get the clothing in your hot little
hands ahead of time. Try clothes & shoes on in
advance to make sure that: #1 the items are
actually there; and #2, to see if they fit.
Consider doing bride & groom portraits
together before the ceremony. This will get you
turned loose to mingle with your guests sooner.
Plan exactly who will be included in the formal
group photos and give this list to the photographer
in advance, don't just spring it on him when he
shows up at the wedding. DO NOT use that crazy list
of must-have poses from the bride magazines. That
list is so long you'd need ten photographers to get
it done, and you'd never have time to mingle with
your wedding guests. I am totally serious; if you
give a photographer an unrealistic shot list he may
feel compelled to fulfill the list to avoid getting
sued. There goes your wedding; you now have only a
photo event.
Inform critical family members you NEED them
to be present for the group photography after
the ceremony. Tell them in advance: #1. Be there
even if the minister tells everyone to "leave for
the reception." #2. Be there even if you are shy
about being in pictures. #3. Tell them Be There
because if the photographer has to go looking for
you to bring you back for poses, THIS WILL DELAY
YOU and you don't need the stress.
Don't make unrealistic start times for reception
food to be ready. Cooks get angry when your
schedule runs later than planned, and their food
reaches the proper heat too soon. SOLUTION: Work
with your photographer to predict a realistic
estimated time of arrival to your reception.
LIMOUSINE SCHEDULES ...caution!
Limousines are fun but brides or grooms
have no clue about how to schedule a limousine
properly. I've seen limo drivers come into the
church in the middle of formals photography,
shouting that his time is up and he has to leave
unless you cease photography immediately! This
little horror is so easy to avoid --- pleeeze
consult your photographer to work out a realistic
limo schedule before you sign on their dotted
line.
AVOID SCHEDULE PROBLEMS CAUSED BY AN OVERWHELMED
ASSISTANT: Sometimes a maid of honor, sister or
other key assistant freaks out at all the
responsibility. If one of your helpers has a
tendence to drop the ball, consider turning some of
their duties over to a professional wedding
consultant.
DISK JOCKEY
ADVICE: Nearly all of them I've seen
in recent years are experienced and professional.
If you hire a DJ or band I recommend the following
precautions:
1. Plan with him/her a "don't play list" of
banned music. Example: teenagers always come
up to the DJ and request songs with offensive
lyrics, heavy metal music, or some style you
despise. Tell the DJ which things you DON'T want,
even if a wedding guest requests it.
2. Plan with him/her how loud the volume should
be. Do you want lots of decibels for
dancing? Or do you want the volume lower so
non-dancing guests can converse with each
other? It's your event. So give the DJ
guidance.
The most highly experienced DJ's vary the pace
and styles of music to fit what guests are
responding to. This is impossible to predict in
advance, and is the advantage of having a
"live" DJ instead of music that's taped in
advance.
If you hire a DJ service with multiple
DJ's, the one who shows up at your wedding may not
have gotten the word about #1 & #2 so you
or the coordinator should remind them.
Budget Secrets for your
Wedding:
Most of the money tends to get spent on the
reception, or on glam upgrades, which
may be the least important parts of the
wedding.
Your FIRST critical choice is the wedding
location. You can't schedule anything else
until you know your wedding date. Your wedding date
depends on having a wedding location. This wedding
location + date decision is often very
complicated to arrive at.
If you're a member of a church, they'll usually
let you get married there for an affordable fee. If
the fee is astronomical, well... If your church
sees your wedding as a moneymaker instead of a
ministry, personally, I'd start looking for a new
church. There are several legitimate fees involved
--- to pay for a janitor, sound man, minister's
honorarium, perhaps a church coordinator's time,
and in some areas, security.
When I got married, my church (Sun River Church
in Rancho Cordova at the time) thankfully charged
me only for janitorial service, the sound man's
time, and a donation for the minister. The church
was completely ethical and did NOT use the wedding
as an excuse to grab extra money. There are some
excellent churches in our area so shop around.
If your wedding budget is limited, here's what
professional planners recommend. FIRST make up a
"Big Picture" spreadsheet with the specific
categories of spending that your wedding will
require. Pleeeeze do this before you start spending
your money. The sales person at the jeweler,
reception venue, florist, or caterer usually wants
to maximize how much money the customer will spend
in THEIR shop. A retail employee's goal is NOT to
minimize costs to make a bride's life easier.
When you get talked into spending $500 more for
an "upgraded" cake or limo or invitations, $4000
more for fancier catering --- eventually it adds up
to serious money. Each upgrade means LESS money
available to spend later on something you might
really, really need. (Such as an upgraded
photographer... or car payments.)
So if you do want to spend more budget money in
a particular area, fine, but let it be your own
decision, instead of something a sales person talks
you into when you're feeling pressured.
The national average wedding cost is $27,000 but
there is NO need to spend that much and NO need for
the bride's parents to put a second mortgage on
their home. A professionally planned church wedding
with modest catering (instead of high-end
everything), can do the job very beautifully ---
and leave you enough money to hire a first rate
photographer like Doug and still pay your car
loan.
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Great
news:
You don't have to over
spend.
Your wedding guests
will attend because they're happy
you're getting married. You really
don't need to impress them with glam and
upgrades.
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Wedding Planners
Hiring a professional wedding planner will
probably save you money by giving you a second
opinion about slick sales speeches. Good planners
will help you avoid some unnecessary categories of
spending. (Example: Suppose you pay a planner
consulting fees of $60 per hour times 20 hours =
$1200, but she saves you from wasting $3000 on
unneccessary upgrades?)
Therefore an independent coordinator who works
for you on an hourly or package basis, is well
worth considering.
But a coordinator who is employed by a country
club or hotel, instead of by you, may not be
allowed to give you money saving advice.
[I am not implying they're bad
coordinators -- I am only talking about cost issues
here. Many hotel & country club wedding
coordinators I've worked with have very excellent
skills.]
On the wedding day itself, the
consultant/coordinator will keep your schedule on
track and shield you from little goofs and
stresses. So you'll have more time to spend with
your guests and you'll have better memories of the
day.
Whether or not you hire a coordinator, Doug will
be happy to help you plan a wedding day schedule
that's realistic and runs smoothly from the
photography perspective.
Wedding Planner Software
"Free" wedding planning programs on the internet
look helpful. BUT BE STRONGLY WARNED: Free
programs are used to generate sales leads for their
advertisers. That's why they're
"free." You'll end up
getting sales pressure from slick, high priced
service providers. And after the wedding, you'll be
telemarketed for vacuum cleaners, insurance
policies and time-share vacations.
For privacy and to avoid getting fleeced, I
would prefer you purchase wedding software
that you pay money for. These sell for $29 to $39
at Costco, office supply stores, and thru ads in
the back of bridal magazines. (...Or hire a wedding
planner.)
If turning yourself into a super organized bean
counter isn't appealing, hiring a professional
wedding planner may be a great choice.
Last minute confirmations
before the wedding day
Be sure and call all your vendors a few weeks
before the wedding --- dress shop, tuxedo shop,
caterer, florist --- everybody. Occasionally
they'll forget about your date and won't have
things ready unless you remind them! Yes, it
happens! And occasionally a storefront business
will go under, so check with everyone. When I got
married, the tuxedo store suddenly disappeared a
few weeks before my wedding. Eeks.
Personalized wedding websites
Many couples now set up their own wedding
websites. This helps your wedding guests find
directions to your church & reception, see fun
trivia about how you and your fiancee met, and view
engagement photos. After the wedding you can post
wedding pics too.
Several online businesses offer pre-designed
templates. Some companies offer this service "free"
but of course, they'll be selling your personal
information to salesmen. Instead -- if you go this
route --- I recommend you use a website that
you pay your own money for. A high quality
"paid" wedding website charges $75-200 for 2
years hosting.You'll earn that money back -- by
avoiding getting fleeced by high pressure sales
calls.
Another option is: numerous professional
web designers who will do all the work for you, for
$200 to $500. For a lot of customers it's worth
paying a fee so it just gets done, and doesn't take
up all your time. Website design is time consuming,
believe me.
If you don't want to fuss with uploading photos
or making a website, ask Doug about doing it for
you. See "Gallery 1" and "Gallery 2" buttons
at the bottom of this page for examples.
ALL Doug's photography packages are
copyright cleared so you are free to upload
them to your own website.
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The Best Thing I
Ever Did While Engaged...
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The best thing I ever did while engaged, was to
attend a half dozen pre-marital counseling sessions
with my fiancee and pastor. Nearly every church
offers this and the programs are similar in
content, even at different denominations.
The pastor or counselor asks you standard
questions to reveal where your goals and values are
similar & different. Laying these cards on the
table --- will avoid surprises and arguments in the
future.
He'll probably give you a written personality
test. There are four basic personality types, this
is true worldwide, it's been true across the
centuries. It's how our brains were designed &
hard wired.
Different personality styles simply think
very differently. Understanding in advance how
these differences affect the two of you will avoid
some stupid fights later. Yes, I highly recommend
pre-marital counseling, you'll be glad you did.
This "wedding tips" page is
presented as a public service by
www.RosevilleWeddings.com so feel free to reproduce
it, if you give author's credit and include a link
back to this website. Copyright 2009.
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