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RANDOM WEDDING
TIPS based on two decades of photographing
weddings.
There will be
some terrible goof-ups on your wedding day ---
here's the really scary truth about who will
notice...!
Answer:
Nobody
except you. So relax.
Frankly your GUESTS will
not freak out if the boquet has the wrong mix of
flowers, or bridesmaids dresses are the wrong shade
of lavender, or the shoes won't fit and you wear
white tennis shoes under the wedding dress. Grooms
won't care if lavender turns out to be a shade of
aubergine.
Your guests are there
because they are happy you're getting married.
Period. They don't care if wedding detail number
#42 was messed up. They don't care at all. So
relax. Something always goes wrong. But no one will
mind.
How to
Goof-Proof your Wedding Day
Schedule:
Plan your wedding day
timetable in consultation with your photographer or
an experienced wedding planner. In the schedule you
should provide adequate time for portrait &
group photography. Also schedule slack time in case
Murphy's Law strikes and your wedding doesn't start
on time.
On the wedding day, DON'T
LET YOUR WEDDING CEREMONY START LATE for no
particular good reason. That's where a coordinator
can help to give you a nudge to git 'er done when
you stall out for no reason.
I recommend starting the
ceremony 10 minutes after the scheduled start time.
That prevents most guests who are looking for a
parking place from entering the church while the
bride walks down the aisle. Decide upon a start
time and stick to it except in a true emergency.
Problem: If you start the ceremony later than you'd
planned, you'll create a cascading set of problems
affecting your photographer, your caterer, your
formals photos, your portraits, your reception
venue, your limousine, your guests... Don't do
it.
The single most common
cause of wedding delays I've seen are hair
appointments for the bride and
bridesmaids.
Solution: #1: Schedule
hair appointments earlier in the day than you would
have thought necessary.
Solution #2: Make them
finish the bride's hair first, so if delays happen,
it will delay bridesmaids but not the bride's
arrival at the church. I suggest the bride should
arrive at the church about 2 hours before the
ceremony. Bridesmaids, doesn't much matter. Again,
consult your photographer or an experienced wedding
planner when devising the wedding day's
schedule.
Pick up bridal dresses and
tuxedos several DAYS before the wedding. Wedding
dress and tuxedo shops can goof up, of course.
Sometimes they even go out of business. So get the
clothing in your hot little hands ahead of time.
Try clothes & shoes on in advance to make sure
that: #1 the items are actually there; and #2, to
see if they fit.
Consider doing bride &
groom portraits together before the ceremony. This
will get you turned loose to mingle with your
guests sooner.
Plan exactly who will be
included in the formal group photos and give this
list to the photographer in advance, don't just
spring it on him when he shows up at the wedding.
DO NOT use that crazy list of must-have poses from
the bride magazines. That list is so long you'd
need ten photographers to get it done, and you'd
never have time to mingle with your wedding guests.
I am totally serious; if you give a photographer an
unrealistic shot list he may feel compelled to
fulfill the list to avoid getting sued. There goes
your wedding; you now have only a photo
event.
Inform critical family
members you NEED them to be present for the
group photography after the ceremony. Tell them in
advance: #1. Be there even if the minister tells
everyone to "leave for the reception." #2. Be there
even if you are shy about being in pictures. #3.
Tell them Be There because if the photographer has
to go looking for you to bring you back for poses,
THIS WILL DELAY YOU and you don't need the
stress.
Don't make unrealistic
start times for reception food to be ready. Cooks
get angry when your schedule runs later than
planned, and their food reaches the proper heat too
soon. SOLUTION: Work with your photographer to
predict a realistic estimated time of arrival to
your reception.
LIMOUSINE
SCHEDULES ...caution!
Limousines are fun but brides or grooms have no
clue about how to schedule a limousine properly.
I've seen limo drivers come into the church in the
middle of formals photography, shouting that his
time is up and he has to leave unless you cease
photography immediately! This little horror is so
easy to avoid --- pleeeze consult your photographer
to work out a realistic limo schedule before you
sign on their dotted line.
AVOID SCHEDULE PROBLEMS
CAUSED BY AN OVERWHELMED ASSISTANT: Sometimes a
maid of honor, sister or other key assistant freaks
out at all the responsibility. If one of your
helpers has a tendence to drop the ball, consider
turning some of their duties over to a professional
wedding consultant.
DISK JOCKEY
ADVICE: Nearly
all of them I've seen in recent years are
experienced and professional. If you hire a DJ or
band I recommend the following
precautions:
1. Plan with him/her a
"don't play list" of banned music.
Example: teenagers always come up to the DJ
and request songs with offensive lyrics, heavy
metal music, or some style you despise. Tell the DJ
which things you DON'T want, even if a wedding
guest requests it.
2. Plan with him/her how
loud the volume should be. Do you want lots of
decibels for dancing? Or do you want the
volume lower so non-dancing guests can converse
with each other? It's your event. So
give the DJ guidance.
The most highly
experienced DJ's vary the pace and styles of music
to fit what guests are responding to. This is
impossible to predict in advance, and is the
advantage of having a "live" DJ instead of
music that's taped in advance.
If you hire a
DJ service with multiple DJ's, the one who
shows up at your wedding may not have gotten the
word about #1 & #2 so you or the
coordinator should remind them.
Budget
Secrets for your Wedding:
Most of the money tends to
get spent on the reception, or on glam
upgrades, which may be the least important
parts of the wedding.
Your FIRST critical choice
is the wedding location. You can't schedule
anything else until you know your wedding
date. Your wedding date depends on having a wedding
location. This wedding location + date
decision is often very complicated to arrive
at.
If you're a member of a
church, they'll usually let you get married there
for an affordable fee. If the fee is astronomical,
well... If your church sees your wedding as a
moneymaker instead of a ministry, personally, I'd
start looking for a new church. There are several
legitimate fees involved --- to pay for a janitor,
sound man, minister's honorarium, perhaps a church
coordinator's time, and in some areas,
security.
When I got married, my
church (Sun River Church in Rancho Cordova at the
time) thankfully charged me only for janitorial
service, the sound man's time, and a donation for
the minister. The church was completely ethical and
did NOT use the wedding as an excuse to grab extra
money. There are some excellent churches in our
area so shop around.
If your wedding budget is
limited, here's what professional planners
recommend. FIRST make up a "Big Picture"
spreadsheet with the specific categories of
spending that your wedding will require. Pleeeeze
do this before you start spending your money. The
sales person at the jeweler, reception venue,
florist, or caterer usually wants to maximize how
much money the customer will spend in THEIR shop. A
retail employee's goal is NOT to minimize costs to
make a bride's life easier.
When you get talked into
spending $500 more for an "upgraded" cake or limo
or invitations, $4000 more for fancier catering ---
eventually it adds up to serious money. Each
upgrade means LESS money available to spend later
on something you might really, really need. (Such
as an upgraded photographer... or car
payments.)
So if you do want to spend
more budget money in a particular area, fine, but
let it be your own decision, instead of something a
sales person talks you into when you're feeling
pressured.
The national average
wedding cost is $27,000 but there is NO need to
spend that much and NO need for the bride's parents
to put a second mortgage on their home. A
professionally planned church wedding with modest
catering (instead of high-end everything), can do
the job very beautifully --- and leave you enough
money to hire a first rate photographer like Doug
and still pay your car loan.
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Great
news:
You don't have to over
spend.
Your wedding guests
will attend because they're happy
you're getting married. You really
don't need to impress them with glam and
upgrades.
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Wedding
Planners
Hiring a professional
wedding planner will probably save you money by
giving you a second opinion about slick sales
speeches. Good planners will help you avoid some
unnecessary categories of spending. (Example:
Suppose you pay a planner consulting fees of $60
per hour times 20 hours = $1200, but she saves you
from wasting $3000 on unneccessary
upgrades?)
Therefore an independent
coordinator who works for you on an hourly or
package basis, is well worth
considering.
But a coordinator who is
employed by a country club or hotel, instead of by
you, may not be allowed to give you money saving
advice. [I am not implying they're bad
coordinators -- I am only talking about cost issues
here. Many hotel & country club wedding
coordinators I've worked with have very excellent
skills.]
On the wedding day itself,
the consultant/coordinator will keep your schedule
on track and shield you from little goofs and
stresses. So you'll have more time to spend with
your guests and you'll have better memories of the
day.
Whether or not you hire a
coordinator, Doug will be happy to help you plan a
wedding day schedule that's realistic and runs
smoothly from the photography
perspective.
Wedding
Planner Software
"Free" wedding planning
programs on the internet look helpful. BUT BE
STRONGLY WARNED: Free programs are used to
generate sales leads for their advertisers. That's
why they're "free." You'll end up getting sales
pressure from slick, high priced service providers.
And after the wedding, you'll be telemarketed for
vacuum cleaners, insurance policies and time-share
vacations.
For privacy and to avoid
getting fleeced, I would prefer you purchase
wedding software that you pay money for. These sell
for $29 to $39 at Costco, office supply stores, and
thru ads in the back of bridal magazines. (...Or
hire a wedding planner.)
If turning yourself into a
super organized bean counter isn't appealing,
hiring a professional wedding planner may be a
great choice.
Last minute
confirmations before the wedding day
Be sure and call all your
vendors a few weeks before the wedding --- dress
shop, tuxedo shop, caterer, florist --- everybody.
Occasionally they'll forget about your date and
won't have things ready unless you remind them!
Yes, it happens! And occasionally a storefront
business will go under, so check with everyone.
When I got married, the tuxedo store suddenly
disappeared a few weeks before my wedding.
Eeks.
Personalized
wedding websites
Many couples now set up
their own wedding websites. This helps your wedding
guests find directions to your church &
reception, see fun trivia about how you and your
fiancee met, and view engagement photos. After the
wedding you can post wedding pics too.
Several online businesses
offer pre-designed templates. Some companies offer
this service "free" but of course, they'll be
selling your personal information to salesmen.
Instead -- if you go this route ---
I recommend you use a website that you pay
your own money for. A high quality
"paid" wedding website charges $75-200 for 2
years hosting.You'll earn that money back -- by
avoiding getting fleeced by high pressure sales
calls.
Another option
is: numerous professional web designers who
will do all the work for you, for $200 to $500. For
a lot of customers it's worth paying a fee so it
just gets done, and doesn't take up all your time.
Website design is time consuming, believe
me.
If you don't want to fuss
with uploading photos or making a website, ask Doug
about doing it for you. See "Gallery 1" and
"Gallery 2" buttons at the bottom of this page
for examples.
ALL Doug's
photography packages are copyright cleared
so you are free to upload them to your own
website.
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The Best Thing I
Ever Did While Engaged...
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The best thing I ever did
while engaged, was to attend a half dozen
pre-marital counseling sessions with my fiancee and
pastor. Nearly every church offers this and the
programs are similar in content, even at different
denominations.
The pastor or counselor
asks you standard questions to reveal where your
goals and values are similar & different.
Laying these cards on the table --- will avoid
surprises and arguments in the future.
He'll probably give you a
written personality test. There are four basic
personality types, this is true worldwide, it's
been true across the centuries. It's how our brains
were designed & hard wired.
Different personality
styles simply think very differently.
Understanding in advance how these differences
affect the two of you will avoid some stupid fights
later. Yes, I highly recommend pre-marital
counseling, you'll be glad you did.
This "wedding
tips" page is presented as a public service by
www.RosevilleWeddings.com so feel free to reproduce
it, if you give author's credit and include a link
back to this website. Copyright 2009.
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